One evening a co-workers called me and offered me a position in his department.  It’s a great opportunity, but it’s on night shift which would have taken me away from participating in many of my kids’ activities.  So I let him know I’m not interested.  I also make sure to thank him and let him know that it means a lot that he would consider me for that position.  He responded by saying, “are you kidding me, of course I would consider you, you are The Hector Lopez”.

Like everyone, I run into crappy moments where something happens or something is said that starts making me doubt myself, starts making me tell myself things like, “I’m not good enough.”, “Do you even know what you’re doing?”, “You’ll never be able to accomplish this.”.  When these voices start running through my head I start telling myself, “Wait, I’m The Hector Lopez.”.  And I start thinking of all the positive things my wife, kids, family, and friends have told me.  I remember all the things I know I am and am good at.  I remember my identity and it puts those negative thoughts to a halt.

So what is your identity?  I suggest you start writing those positive things/compliments you’ve been told.  So if people often tell you, “you’re very smart”, “you’re a great communicator”, “you come up with great ideas”, “you face problems head on”.  Your identity then starts becoming, “I’m a very smart person that is a great communicator, I’m an innovator and face problems head on”.  Then if one day you run into someone that tells you, “you’ve never been able to come up with any worthy ideas”, instead of going down that dark path of doubting yourself and beating yourself up, you remember your identity and you brush off the comment and your response simply becomes, “I’m sorry you feel that way”.  This doesn’t mean you never try to understand where the criticism is coming from.  If it’s coming from someone close to you or someone you know you can talk to, understanding where the criticism is coming from might help you find out what you need to improve on to continue building on your identity.

Coming up with your identity can be a fun exercise to do with your family and friends.  Let them know what you’re trying to do and you can make it an activity where everyone helps each other define their identity and therefore become bulletproof from unfair criticism!