Once upon a time a psychology professor walked around on a stage while teaching stress management principles to an auditorium filled with students.  As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the typical “glass half empty or glass half full” question.  Instead, with a smile on her face, the professor asked, “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?” Students shouted out answers ranging from eight ounces to a couple pounds.

She replied, “From my perspective, the absolute weight of this glass doesn’t matter.  It all depends on how long I hold it.  If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light.  If I hold it for an hour straight, its weight might make my arm ache a little.  If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed, forcing me to drop the glass to the floor.  In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.”

As the class shook their heads in agreement, she continued, “Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water.  Think about them for a while and nothing happens.  Think about them a bit longer and you begin to ache a little.  Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed – incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.”

I normally don’t share existing stories, but this one is particular is very good and worth talking about. It is said that obsessing about the past is depression and obsessing about the future is anxiety. Regardless if we let our stress and worries get as far as putting one of these labels on them, it is all fear based and it can all be limiting in our lives. But it can also be controlled!

Unfortunately we often think we have no control over the things that stress us out in our lives and so we choose to accept them and live with them. The reality is that in most cases you have more control over them than you think. If you get stressed out about traffic every morning when going into work, ask your boss if you can shift your working hours to one hour earlier. If you’re stressed about not being able to keep your house clean, make a choice to stop watching that TV show and replace it with cleaning time, or if cleaning is not your thing, work on cutting cost somewhere to make room in your budget for a house cleaning service. If you’re stressed about always being strapped for cash, change your standard of living, look for another job that you’ll love and will pay you better, or learn something new that can bring you additional income. The key is knowing it’s a choice which will open the door to start thinking about solutions.

And when you choose to do something about it, be prepared for your brain to kick in and tell you all the things that could go wrong which in turn will also cause you worry and stress. But that’s OK, do not let it paralyze you but rather embrace it and use it as a tool to make sure you’ve considered all the risks before moving forward. And don’t overthink this either, a simple “what’s the worst that could happen” is usually enough to have to consider.

To put a bow on this, short term stress and worry is normal and part of our human nature; if we go back to the story, we don’t really feel the weight of the glass by holding it for a short period. Long term stress and worry is a problem, but know that you have more control over it than you think. Basically it’s a choice and it’s not until we accept that it is a choice that we’ll be able to take action to do something about it.